We were looking forward to seeing how a guy who beat down a woman (we can say that legally because he was convicted of it) gets down in the bedroom.

After all, onetime Douche of the Decade Joe Francis (of Girls Gone Wild fame) once emailed a shirtless photo of himself to a New York editor so that the latter could "masturbate to it because you seem to be quite sexually obsessed with me." Francis is obviously a self-described sex object:

His people even emailed us late last year to ask if we could use a different photo of the Vain One.

Obviously this guy wants to show off.

Or maybe not. (And then the question is, What's he hiding down there?).

Today it was revealed that XXX video apparently stolen off of the iPhone of his Girls Gone Wild-esque young girlfriend, Abbey Wilson, was purchased by Vivid Entertainment CEO Steven Hirsch.

Right on, you say: Hirsch is known for nabbing celebrity sex videos and releasing them for our delight. (We're looking at you, Farrah Abraham, Backdoor Teen Mom).

Unfortunately for us, Hirsch is pals with Francis, and for once the titan of Porn Valley is standing up for someone's honor. A dude's honor. (Discuss).

A Vivid rep tells the Weekly it's all too true: Hirsch put up the cash -- a substantial amount, we would imagine, given that the tape was being shopped around -- only to return the footage to Francis so that it would never see the light of day.

All in the name of friendship.

Darn. Guess Francis' studly largesse will continue to only exist in our fertile imagination.

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