A true-life tryst tale submitted by LA After Dark reader Cherry Blossom Girl, entitled WTF BF?
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I had a crush on Jason? at my first job in L.A.. He was super dreamy, tall, cute, funny and we had an amazing sexual chemistry but never acted on it. When I left that job for another, we ran into each other at a bar (go figure) and I started flirting/drinking/laughing at his jokes they weren't funny at all and using all kinds of fun body language.

You know how it is. Blame it on the Jack Daniels.

He asked me to go home with him and I was like, Why not?? C'est La Vie.

We went back to his place and we made out on his balcony until he said the golden words: I've always wanted to know what it's like to be in bed with you. I guess it's been building up for all these years.

I eloquently responded, Yes, me too. I've wanted to fuck you for awhile.

I was naughty. ?

We passionately kissed and make naughty noises like the ones you hear on Cinemax at 12:30 a.m. on a Tuesday.

We did the whole sucking-face-while-walking-to-the-bedroom-while-taking-off-each-other's-clothes maneuver. He was a bit drunk and stumbled on the bed.

Then he's on top of me. It's steamy and exciting. He flips me on my stomach and starts humping?my back. My fucking BACK??

I thought, Well OK, some people are into dry humping. Why not??

I told myself I'd let him get his rocks off for a second, ya know, warm up the oven before he put in the turkey. But he fucks my back for almost 10 minutes and was done.

WHAT THE FUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK??!

I was lying on my stomach relatively traumatized but I didn't want to embarrass the guy. So I just went home and took a nice long bath.

Still to this day, I have no idea what that was about. My back has never been the same.

Image: m_bartosch.