We'd like to think this is what we looked like passing through the TSA body scanners at LAX's security checkpoint last holiday weekend. Unfortunately, our machine seemed a bit more, erm, vertically confining than the apparent vibrating, rotating love-den scanner this chick was using. Also, we were wearing our mother's old garden clogs, not stripper stilettos.

Note to future jet-setting self: Always be prepared for an impromptu airport porn shoot. Guess we should have hung up this year-round reminder (that likewise scratches our skeleton fetish!) back when it debuted in Novemeber. But it's never too late, via Top Left Design:

So... Any guesses as to the face/flesh behind scanner girl's smokin'-hot, if kinda ghoulish, figure? (We'd go with bikini girl, but June's practiced dexterity looks to be the work of a true professional, not your everyday LAX protester.) And how she got away with keeping her shoes on?

Also, if anyone takes the initiative to make this steamy set into a real-live wall calendar, let us know. 'Cause we dig it, big time. Especially April.

Almost makes us forget how goddamn pissed we are about the personal freedom-infringing perv bots that are the TSA scanners. And the poor, defenseless little baby who made the mistake of opting out.

[@simone_electra/swilson@laweekly.com]